My partner can only orgasm from penetrative sexMany people feel the need to be assured of their partner’s pleasure; after all, it ensures the experience is mutually enjoyable. However, in your situation, it is probably best for you to take responsibility solely for your own pleasure, and encourage him to do the same. Wanting increased pleasure for him is understandable, but might be experienced as pressure to have sex your way, rather than his. You could, however, try to get him to give you precise feedback as you pleasure him manually or orally – as long as it doesn’t become uncomfortable for him. Keep checking – “Do you want me to continue, or shall we switch to something else?”
I recommend you first try eliciting feedback from him with erotic caresses to non-genital parts of each other. You could model the kind of detailed feedback you want from him first, as he tries different kinds of strokes and touches on you. This is a good way to learn about each others’ responses. Eventually – when there is a high level of relaxation, communication and non-goal-oriented desire between you – you could progress to genital stimulation.. |
I can only orgasm with a vibrator – and my husband isn’t happyI want to congratulate you on getting to know your body so well, and on creatively finding solutions in order to get your particular stimulatory needs met. There are many women who have never managed to orgasm at all, and many who have never discovered the truths about their own sexual responses. Some simply live in hope that one day, some lover will figure it out for them (“Some day my prince will make me come!”).
Vibrators are too intense for many women, but you either need that intensity to fully stimulate your genital nerve endings, or have become habituated to it. Either way, it would be best to relax and accept that it is simply your style of reaching orgasm. I hope you can help your husband to recognise how lucky he is to be married to a woman who has cleverly and proactively sought her own pleasure, despite a high orgasmic threshold. And frankly, without your self-helping ability, he would be far more challenged. |
My boyfriend and I watch porn separately. He wants us to stop – but it’s the only way I can orgasmWatching erotic material should only be a problem if it becomes truly obsessive and affects one’s ability to function properly or sustain one’s work or relationship. In your case, the problem is not porn; it is the issue of being distracted by negative thoughts during sex. Learning to appreciate your own body and sexuality can take a bit of time, but it is important to make a start. Focus on your positive features. Instead of externalising those porn images, imagine yourself as the exciting woman your boyfriend wants. Allow yourself to plan erotic encounters that please yourself as well as him. Ask him to tell you very specifically what turns him on – and share some of your own erotic desires with him (he will probably enjoy the idea of another woman, as that is a very common male fantasy). So instead of your fantasy lives always being so separate, work together to find common ground. Orgasming with a partner is a matter of good communication; if you teach him exactly how to please you, it can easily be achieved.
|